Arena: Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.
Bit: Means by which a rider's every motion is transmitted to the
sensitive tissues of the mouth.
Crossties: Gymnastic apparatus.
Dressage: Process by which some riders can eventually be taught to
respect the bit.
Fence: Barrier that protects good grazing.
Grain: Sole virtue of domestication.
Hitching rail: Means by which to test one's strength.
Horse trailer: Mobile cave bear den.
Hotwalker: The lesser of two evils.
Jump: An opportunity for self-expression.
Latch: Type of puzzle.
Lungeing: Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay.
Owner: Human assigned responsibility for one's feeding.
Rider: Owner overstepping its bounds.
Farrier: Disposable surrogate owner; useful for acting out aggression
without compromising food supply.
Trainer: Owner with mob connections.
Veterinarian: Flightless albino vulture
Only Horse People:
- believe in an 11th commandment: inside leg to outside rein...
- know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue or
- think nothing of eating a sandwich while mucking out a stall.
- know why a thermometer has a yard of yarn attached to the end of it.
- are banned from Laundromats.
- fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.
- can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing
- will end relationships over their hobby.
- cluck to their cars to help them up hills.
- insure their horses for more than their cars.
- know (and care) more about their horse's nutrition than their own.
- have no problem speaking of semen, abscesses and colic surgery at
the dinner table.
- have a smaller wardrobe than their horse..
- engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.
- know that a good ride is better than Zoloft any day.