Thursday, February 9, 2012

What is Love?


I Love horses! Always have...In fact Ive had a horse in my life almost continuously since I was 10 years old. They are my favorite animal, I couldn't imagine life with out them....or could I? Could I look out a window and enjoy the view with out a horse pasture in front of it? Could I walk into my brand new barn and inhale with out the smells of hay and leather to greet me? Could I forgo the feel of warm, sweet horse hide under my hands on any given day? The prickle of questing horse lips on the patch of skin revealed in the search of treats from a pocket? I remember a time where this thought never entered my mind. Where I secretly was horrified that a mentor could retire and sell all of her horses, give away her dog and move to a condo in a warmer state. "NO!" I said to myself that will never be me. I expected life to change, but horses where the constant. I was going to be that 80 plus year old dame still racking up the trail miles every weekend. This was the goal, this was the given, this.......is changing. Now Ive been struggling, wrestling,denying, arguing,pleading,worrying about this shift in my whole existence for three long years. Which may not have been when I first felt it but was when I first, cautiously gave voice to it. If you are one of those friends I have explored this with then you know what a earth shattering experience this is for me. I say "is" because I have not got it all worked out yet. I'm a horsewoman, its in my DNA! All my friends I made through horses, all my life spent learning about horses, all my money spent on horses, where I live dictated by horses, life decisions based on horses! Hell, I don't even own any non horse clothing...

When I acknowledged this insidious doubt, this niggling question, I immediately went into discover mode. The big, ugly why of it all. And I received some good insights, some good reasons for this lunatic fringe I found myself treading. Everything from stress, to burnout, to moving ,to out of practice, to starting a new biz , new life, new job, new house, to not having a riding buddy, not having the right horse, a sound horse, the right trailer, the right tack...to its a phase.
And you know what, I'm sure all of this has something to do with it. But what made me feel a little less panicky was the fact that everyone I spoke to is, has or will be addressing this very issue. It seems to be an inevitable fact of life to all of us horseophiles. Some of us blow on through, some of us close the lid on the box and with relief, set it out for the recycle guy. Some of us like myself wallow in the middle feeling scared, confused and shaken. I believe there is an answer out there for me somewhere and I hope by sharing in my search I will magically come upon it for myself and maybe a few other struggling horse-aholics. At least that is my sincere hope. The Irony that all will be revealed in time is not lost on me as the lesson of patience has been what my equine friends where sent to teach.

8 comments:

  1. I've been pondering a similar issue...for me I've decided that my next horse will be a miniature...that way I can still have a horse or two in my life...use them for driving & not riding when I am too old for that...small piles of poop to deal with and a smaller impact on the pocketbook for hay and such...plus if I ever have grandkids they'll have a horse their size to grow up with...at least this is my latest plan...we will see how that goes...

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  2. Sandi, isnt it weird to be here though, Im still grappling with the fact that I feel this way...I have oodles more to write on the subject so many people have input...that in itself is a comfort!

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  3. You are brave a and wonderous soul beth. Go girl!

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    1. thanks Emma, friends like you make it easy to share!

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  4. Funny to find this today since I just found out one of my 2 horses has kidney failure. Not sure how extreme it is yet but I lost my old hunter a couple of months ago so now that leaves only one healthy horse when a few months ago I had 3. My 2 dogs have both had surgery in the last month with one losing her eye to Glacoma. The hits just kept on coming. Sometimes life changes things for you. I panicked with all of these goings on and got a puppy. I needed some young and healthy energy around, but, As I get older I must admit the thought of one dog and one horse is appealing. My count used to be 11 animals including donkeys, cats, chincillas, horses and dogs!

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    1. annie, Im so sorry for your run of bad luck and can relate totally about animal numbers at one time i had 14 horses under my care, i had 12 barn kittys two goats, two dogs ect ect it was a bit crazy! we went a little crazy and got a puppy too when we lost one of our huskies last year.....so one cat four dogs 6 chickens and four horses....its a sickness! thanks for sharing!

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  5. I think I need to be intellectually stimulated by what I do with the horses. Plus, I just can't do it alone. Every horse is made by two people, not one. It makes all the difference that I have Anne here every day. We do the young horses together. Also, dressage training is never dull. I'm always building towards the next level. I basically train 7 days a week. Trail riding to me is soooo boring. I only like to go for a stroll to warm up or cool down, then it's a period of relaxation before work or after a job well done. That of course is not the same as conditioning work, like trot and canter sets up and down hills. I enjoy that for fitness and variety, but only after I have a pretty high level of control and submission from my arena work. The other thing for me is to have a horse that is so beautiful or athletic that the horse itself inspires me. I get a lot of pleasure just looking at my new mare. As I put muscle on her, I expect to enjoy watching the changes in her body. When I was young, it just had to be an equine. But every horse requires hard work to become something, and I don't want to "settle" for average anymore, I want to be inspired. Methinks perhaps you are too isolated? Could that be?

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    1. Karen, I think my current situation does make me a bit "alone" in my horse journey. But theres more to it too. Ive decided to hit it on all fronts from having a goal with a horse( show at the end of june...OMG) to putting it out there to the universe about which of my horses stay and which go, and when. working on my next installment of blog...and its so helpful, ive spent more time with my horses since writing this that i have in over a year! ;0)yeah for clearing out blocked energy!

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